Waking Up at 5AM for 8 Weeks: What the 5AM Club Changed for Me
Our Dreams In Progress
Welcome to my personal space, where I write through change, learning, and healing in real time. Written by a 45-year-old mother of three, learning AI, online systems, and how to stay sane and healthy, one honest step at a time.
Reflections of an Older Mom
November 27, 2025
My Journey to $100k
Reflections of an older mom begin with this simple truth: having three kids with wide age gaps is one of the most beautiful, complicated blessings of my life. My oldest son is 18 and just left for university, my second turns 8 this month, and my youngest, my only girl is 4.
Being an older mom (I had my daughter at 41) was never part of my plan, and I still have mixed feelings about it. I love having little ones around, but I also feel my age. In kindergarten, we immediately stand out as the older parents. Even my eldest gets looks from other parents, probably being mistaken for a very young dad when he picks up his baby sister.
And honestly? Keeping up with them takes effort, real, physical effort. I tire easily. Some nights, I fall asleep before they do. And the future… sometimes it scares me.
The Joys and Chaos of a Full House
They do keep me young, though. Our home is filled with toys, laughter, and the kind of noise that only a house full of children can make.
It’s Lego and Barbies all over again, and endless birthday parties. It’s rediscovering things we used to take for granted, like the usefulness of toothbrush timer videos on YouTube, and learning to keep up with whatever they’re watching on their iPads.
It’s also learning their “young language,” full of new slang and trends that leave me wondering how to even keep up. It’s chaotic, yes, but also comforting.
Still, I can’t help but think ahead. When my youngest turns 18, I’ll be 60. I’ll be the “older mom” among her friends’ mothers. I pray that I’ll be healthy, fit, and still full of life, that I won’t embarrass her, and that I’ll still look like “her mom,” not her grandmother.
Most of all, I just want to be there.
That thought alone often brings tears to my eyes. It’s a real fear. It’s something that keeps me awake at night and sometimes even triggers panic attacks. The fear of not being there long enough is real.
Trying to Stay Strong for Them
Because of that, I’ve made it a mission to take better care of myself, to eat better, move more, and do everything I can to maintain my health.
It’s not easy. I’ve been overweight since the birth of my first child, and losing weight now, in my mid-40s and probably perimenopausal, feels like climbing a hill that keeps getting steeper. But I’m trying. I have to.
For them.
For her.
I want to be strong enough to see my daughter graduate, fall in love, get married, and have children of her own. I want to see my sons build their lives too and share their families with us. I want to love my grandchildren and be the fun “Nana.” I want to be there through all of it.
Motherhood in Different Seasons
When I went to Manchester to send off my eldest, I was torn in every direction. On one hand, I was proud and grateful to share that moment with him , watching him step into his own life.
But at the same time, I missed the two younger ones so deeply that every little thing reminded me of them. Sometimes, I worried that my son could sense it, that my sadness made him feel guilty for being with me. He shouldn’t have to feel that. None of it is his fault.
Our family timeline just unfolded differently. Our second one came ten years apart by IVF, and our youngest was a complete surprise during the pandemic. You can’t plan everything in life; sometimes, it just happens in ways you never imagined.
When Life Doesn’t Follow the Plan
I’ll admit, there are moments when I’ve thought about how different life would be if we didn’t have the younger two, how we might have been free to follow our eldest to Manchester or travel more easily.
I’m so glad we managed to do so much with my oldest during those first ten years. We travelled extensively and took every chance we could, road trips, museums, parks, and new countries. We enrolled him in the best school, and I attended every event, every swim meet, every concert, every school trip. Those were such precious years filled with lovely memories.
These aren’t regrets, just passing thoughts that surface when I compare our life to that of other parents who are already becoming empty nesters. Meanwhile, we’re just starting kindergarten all over again. Can you imagine another sixteen years of school runs? Sometimes, even I can’t!
And now, having to plan financially for all the years ahead feels like a heavy task. As unexpected as it all was, I still want to be responsible and give the younger two the same opportunities my oldest had , as best as I can. I carry that guilt sometimes, and maybe that’s why I’m pushing so hard to build new income streams online.
And yet, deep down, I know this is the life meant for us, a noisy, love-filled, unpredictable one. Full of snuggles, cuddles, and giggles, and also tears and tantrums. Uni and potty training in the same year. Yup welcome to our household!
Meanwhile, daily life constantly reminds me that while I may be older, I’m still growing, still learning, and still so incredibly blessed.
And I’m praying hard that I’ll be able to experience it all in good health.
Being an older mom comes with fears I never had in my 20s. It’s a strange mix of gratitude and guilt, joy and exhaustion, laughter and worry. But it’s also the purest reminder that time is precious and that every day with them is a gift I’ll never take for granted.
FAQ: Reflections of an Older Mom
1. What are the biggest challenges of being an older mom?
A. Balancing energy levels, health concerns, and emotional worries about the future. It’s easy to feel out of place among younger parents, but love and experience bridge that gap beautifully.
2. How can older moms stay motivated to stay healthy?
A. Start small and stay consistent. Focus on movement, balanced meals, and rest. Most importantly, remember your “why” , staying strong so you can be there for the moments that matter most.
3. How do you handle the emotional side of parenting across big age gaps?
A. By accepting that each stage of motherhood is different and that guilt or comparison only steals the joy of the present. Embrace the chaos, lean into gratitude, and remind yourself that your family’s timeline is uniquely yours.
4. What’s your advice for moms who feel “too old” to start again?
A. You’re never too old to love, nurture, and begin again. Children bring new meaning to every stage of life and sometimes, the second (or third) chapter turns out to be the most beautiful one yet.
Subscribe Our Newsletter
Sign up today and get the Canva Course Starter Pack Freebie, plus access to my free newsletter filled with tips and inspiration. You can unsubscribe anytime, and you’ll find all the details in our Privacy Policy.